Most of us learned at an early age the rules about speaking out. Sometimes these early rules work against us as adults and we don’t have the permission or clarity to “say it out loud” well.

Imagine on the next occasion when you find yourself choking back your truth, that you will compose an honest, respectful and deliverable sentence; “I get angry when I hear that”, “I find these meeting very difficult and I don’t know how to contribute”, “I am getting very frustrated and promise to leave this room before I explode”

Notice that these statements are owned by the speaker and carry no blame or judgement. It is not very easy for others to argue with your stated experience and feelings.

In any case, pondering the delivery of such statements can lift most people out of their boredom and prevent shutting down altogether.

When one person wants to talk, they can ask for twenty minutes or half an hour for “one of those talks” , with the understanding that there is a need to get something out, without interruption and without any reaction or response for the duration. This guarantees a clear space in which to get a full hearing.

The most difficult part of this arrangement is for the listener. So the listener must fasten their seatbelt and only listen! At the end of the agreed time, the listener may check with their partner whether he/she needs more time or are they finished. They can only offer commentary if requested.

Couples take turns using this method at least once a week in order to get the practice required for the tough talks. Space will remain open and clear between them.

Imagine sitting with your arms out in a circle in front of you. All the space you can reach with your arms is the field of your own boundaries. Now imagine someone sitting in front of you doing the same thing. The space between each persons’ hands is where the best interaction, communication and real verbal contact takes place.

If one person interrupts the other mid-sentence, it is as though they have bashed through their own boundary and in past the others as well. Seem intrusive? It is! There is not much hope of being heard if your partner and you do not respect each others’ boundaries.

It turns out that laughter provides an equal amount of emotional release as does crying or shouting.

Many years ago Norman Cousins wrote a book called “Laughter is the Best Medicine” Physicians, friends and family members were recommending this book as well as funny movies to people with cancer and other diseases.

The point is that we often take ourselves too seriously and forget that there is a lighter side to life – the cosmic joke some have said.

Consider the moments in your life when something so funny left you limp – go for more of that! Check in on the Ellen Degeneres Show and watch how Ellen really knows how to have fun!

Many successful organizations spend focused time creating a mission statement by which they steer their path and plans. Parents could develop succinct mission statements for each of their children as part of the parenting hopes and wishes. In fact, how about a Personal mission statement created by and for each individual. Interested?

Take a few quiet moments, eyes closed, to ponder exactly what you intentions are for yourself – without judging them. When you have these thoughts which seem to fit for you, reduce them to their essence. Then create the phrase or few words that will be easily remembered. (for example, Graceful, Useful, Grateful )

Whenever you have the experience of a vacuum in meaning or wonder about the point of life, remind yourself of this mission statement and correct for any undermining self-talk.